Art with a capital 'F'

"What is art?"

There was once a caveman and a cavewoman

Caveman: I want to mate with u

Cavewoman: Fuck off.

Is this art? not really, sellecting a mate and the urge to breed is a natural thing.

A Sabretooth jumps out of a bush. Caveman craps himself and runs...fast.

Is this art? could be...but the man is running for his survival...so, no pie.

Sabretooth then looks at Cavewoman, who craps herself and runs too. Sabretooth gives chase.

Nah, not art. Sabretooth makes the decision that the woman prolly would make an easier target.

Cavewoman freaks out and in panic runs over a 100 foot cliff. Sabretooth, in fervor, jumps after her.

Art? fuck no! its a bloody tragedy!

Seeing it all from on top a tree, Caveman jumps down and runs to the cliff where they jumped, drops his loincloth, and takes a piss over the edge.

Now THATs art :)

Bob

Me, my sisters and most of my cousins (cept' the few white sheep) keep in touch with each other via mass mailing to each other on our own mailing list which we have aptly name Cousinster.

This conversation over the weekend has been my proudest.
___________________________________________________________________

Scenario : Sister(Marie) in Aussieland got into a minor surgery for a stone, and the scars from ops became the topic of the conversation.

Cuzin Cheryl:
Marie, my appendix scar is so awful, man. I can't wear low jeans or crop tops coz the scar is high up compared to the C-sect. This time round, the Doc gave me a steroids jab before he sew me up so that the kelloid won't form so much.

Me:
Scars? wanna check out my scar after i removed that ingrown hair thingy? Its at the bottom of my back (nicer way of saying it than "its at the top of my ass-crack") but damn, the scar is huge...id swear if you saw it you'd think id had an open heart surgery from my backside!

Heehee, well, it aint THAT bad, but still, compared to some recent apendix scars ive seen, its true...sutturing has come a long way.
By the way, i also still have that thing i removed stored in a jar with formalin :D

Sista Marie:
Cheryl, he had this ball of crap and hair and fuzz and grossness ... Edgar, do u really still have it?

Me:
Of course i do...and stop calling Bob names! hes sensitive :P

Sista Marie:
You are sooooo gross!! That's gagging material .. eeeewwwwww!!!

Cuzin Jo-Jo:
Edgar, you're gross. You have been gross from small and you still are and you most probably still be when you are 80 years old surrounded by your children and grandchildren (make you have alot as you're the only one carrying the Gasper name). Throw that disgusting (BOB) thing out!!!
___________________________________________________________________

*pats self on the back*

XD

-the ed-

Monopoly is just a Game, like fishing...right...

Here i sit in Island Plaza, desperately trying to get mails downloaded for the past 3 hours and why? our god-awful monopolized broadband service is in a shitty state.

God bless our ISP, one of the few who seem to be able to flick off something as big as a dropped international link as easy as i can shoo a fly away from the canteen food on my plate.

I use my canteen food in reference because plainly, they share something in common, monopoly. Try stepping into my canteen and immediately, the apetite, together with the tought of something yummy going down to your begging stomach gets flushed down the crapper.

Why? Simple...monopoly.

Canteen operation was tendered to the highest bid and since then, there has been no one to provide any competition to the bloody losers. Canteen food quality was better then their predecessors for about a week, and then it rock bottomed. You'd have to twirl, prod and poke a piece of meat to figure what it was. There was no balance of meat/fish/veg on some days and you just had to make do on those days you get stuck in the office...and i could swear that sotong just winked at me.

Why not just boycott the damn food? well, they also provide eats for the production folks in our building...and for some reason, these folks dont bother with the food quality, and rush in like a herd of cows to a pasture that is not of their choosing. This lots grazing is more than sufficient for the canteen folks to push their products off and keep them alive.

Why close down or improve your service when there are suckers takin in the crap you shovel out right?

Enter Streamyx

When they first started out, i didnt complain as much. Their tek hotline was helpful enough(with the right escalation methods) but after about a few months, ppl left n right began complaining about it. Soon i found myself amongst those complaining. Downloads were down to about 10/20% throughput, and whats the nice hotline tekkie say? oh, its prolly your copperwire layout problem. But my buddy half way across town saw the same shite on his line...what? copperwire eating termites started running wild around penang? i mean, hey, if theres a problem, just gimme a better answer than that closed ended sentence please.

This is usually when they throw out their trump card. The ace of arseholes:

"Oh sir, but ADSL is a BEST EFFORT connection, meaning the line does not always generate your full download capacity"

I flinch from the blow, thank her for her time, left eye tweaks a bit, then i calmly hang up the phone...realizing no amount of reasoning is going to get me anywhere...shit, im not asking for a 100% download at this point...a good proper reason would suffice...but did she understand that?...*sigh*

Why isnt enough focused on the improvement of the broadband service? refer to canteen food bit above.

I usually then proceed to get a mouse, name it Telekoms, and watch Jay squeeze the living hell outta it before swallowing it whole. Jay should run our government.

How could i have the time to write such a long and boring bit today? Picture this:
Highlight todays mail> Drag to offline folders> wait...>wait...>wait...
<42>
TRANSFERRING!!!Woot!!
~5 minutes later~
<41>
Still transferring!!ok...some progress
~10 minutes pass~
<55>
Still transfering...but look!...ive discovered that the secrets of time travel lie in the download of emails!!...

I then proceed to kill the innocent ant strolling on the table and release a maniacal lough~
Starbucks folks stare...a lot...back to blogging...

Back to Ground[z]ero

Sigh*

Well, here i am to give it one more shot...see how long i do this before other stuff come up and i forget i started :(

Guess i saw the little tidbit on the Kat/Hyew resemblance when the guys pointed it out to me at the CB yesterday and saw how much fun it could be to blog again.

Folks, please send me ur bits and blogsites please...kinna dont have most of them nomore.

And heres a good thing as any to restart bloggin with...a job rant! :)

what else?

The lines below are dedicated to some nice guys in India who have got on my nerves bigtime today. Coordinating with some of you guys has been like nothing less than negotiating with a brick wall.

So to those precious few who managed to bugger me today, i give to you:

[A Tekkies Call]
I spend my day solving problems all 'round
To tek issues are what im suppposedly bound
But then India's call-centre hotline came about
"What the hell are you saying??" the Aussies would shout
Then the callers raised up their annoyance and dismay
So now when they dial they will usually come our way
"Those asians are owning!!" Said the Indians who found out
Then responded by helping like a bunch of movers with gout
Although your bosses think you're playing pretty smart
i just wanna say PISS OFF! you chapati eating twat

-the ed-