Captive audience indeed...

Im at the ticket counter, wondering which bus to take.

Decided to try Nice 2, being a fan of Nice, figured the additional RM7 was fair enough.
Theres also something romantic about double decker busses...cant put my finger on it yet tho...

Off i went...
Just when we were flyin over Penang Bridge, the 'in transit' entertainment system kicked in...

Kinna like a stewardess pre-flight address then giving details about...Nice+(NicePlus), not Nice 2!...

Not sure if it was by accident, but felt kinda crappy when it went "you are now aboard Nice+" then they showed the features of Nice+ with personal screens per seat, and 4 movie channel viewing choices and airplane like seats etc etc...suddenly Nice2 (granted was pretty comfy) suddenly felt like a budget bus express :(

Anyways, then the "in flight" movies kicked in...first up!... "They Nest!"...

Aside from being totally crappy and almost B grade, which bloody transit movie shows a thriller about cockroaches?!...but heck, it was something to watch anyways...and i DID purposely choose the seat right smack in front of the display unit...furk...no point regretting now...

Then, amazingly, the DVD pauses every 20 mins or so for an "Advertisement" break...first promoting itself "bla bla Transit Vision bla bla to a Captive Audience bla bla"...and then showing the same 5 or so adverts for hiring at ParkMay, a word about littering and some music CDs...over and over again...

And WOW!! no shit!...never has a phrase been so appropriately used...i mean shit...the movie WAS bad enough for me to consider jumpin off the bloody rig going at 100kmph down the North-South....bloody driver wouldnt open the door tho....Captive Audience indeed...

Then They Nest finally ended and we were in midpoint break...off for a ciggy break :) needed one.

Journey continued, movie 2 was....."Final Destination"...no complaints about that show...but not for a transit movie right??? I mean, it bloody starts off with a plane in transit blowing up!!! lols...the folks in the seats behind me were noticeably bothered...

All in all, the bus was impressive tho...top deck for passengers, a lower deck lounge to lepak with a central table...damn comfy...

Would reccoment it over Nice Express, but please...try to talk to the person choosing the movies before departure...

of sounds and syllables

We think in our primary language, no doubt about that. I was thinking recently on how such things would affect the different languages of thought and reflect on how we develop based on how we think.

I can barely think of any words that can be said in Bahasa Malaysia that has fewer syllables than its meaning in English or Chinese. Im not saying its not a beautiful language in itself, but what im looking at is efficiency...

Why would something like this matter? well, imagine a 100 lap run around the track of your school. At say, 200 meters a lap, that would add up to a 20KM run. Now say we add a pimple to the circular track, adding maybe 2 meters to a lap. 1% more aint that bad right? well, tell it to the guy that loses the run because he had to run an additional lap in total distance.

The number of syllables may not seem like much, but added up i think it would make a difference to the efficiency of how we input, document and process our thoughts and writings...

Take the way the chinese have developed their language...choosing to ignore multi-syllalble words. Is there a single syllable in spoken chinese that does not have one or more meanings to it? The way these are combined to for larger words are amazing as well, but i think the restriction may come down to documenting and decrypting written chinese, as some thought and context may need to be drawn for each character for the whole to make sense.

Im not saying everyone is affected by this syllable thingy, as i have met many, many intellectual folks who are obviously from a BM background, but on the overall, these are still a minority when compared with the general population here.

The chinese language on ther hand, is fairly interesting when viewed from a spoken point of view. I can see why math is their forte when it comes to comparing the chinese vs the other languages of thought on how we learn math.

The best example would be the multiplication table. The way we were thought in english was to pronounce every number and factor as well as the multiplication itself...

Remember "two times one equals two, two times two equals four" or "dua kali satu sama dua, dua kali dua sama empat"...

Again, syllable count comes into play, the chinese school of thought also used the multiplication table as a base, and the way they memorized it was far far more efficient...Taking this table as a primary table and not repeating unnecessaries like the multiplier function or "times" sped things up and made it so much smoother and easier to digest. I dont know how to type it out, but essentially, for anyone that has heard it, would recognize it like "2,1,2 - 2,2,4 - 2,3,6 - 2,4,8" and so on, and they coulod cover the entire table in a fraction of the time it takes the rest of us.

Its not that other languages could'nt do this, but we just didnt...but even if we did, syllable pronunciation factor again would give the chinese language an advantage here...

Upon hearing it being recited for me, i couldt but help think how smooth it sounded and not as draggy as the other methods used to teach us in our primary schoolyears. May not be a big deal now, since we are all familiar with our tables, but imagine the advantage of learning this way all the way back then...its a headstart for sure.

There are many other factors as well in determining the development of people from certain backgrounds, and im not saying anything above is 100% proof of advantages/disadvantages of a language, just what seems to me as plausible, so im praying noone takes any offense to anything said...and also apologies if i did offend anyone, its just one of those days that my brain decides to lau sai out things like this...

Just my RM0.02 for today...

Cheers,
-the ed-

Shit go shot! :(

I wanna go for stomp! :(

Everyone i know whos goin is goin on 24th nite, but i had to pull out cos of a friends weddin in KL, so im gonna go on the 23rd nite instead, but i dont wanna go alone!!! :(

This post is a last minute pathetic attemp to find out if anyone would so happen to be going on the 23rd nite show, and wouldnt mind a hopelessly lost soul - me! - taggin along with them!

AIEEEEEE!

-THE sEsat-

The infamous eagle joke

An nice joke i got a few years ago, but just learned that its used to see how you think :)

It goes:
There were a pair of climbers climbing roped together in the Scottish highlands. One of them, seeing a pair of eagles got overexited and slipped, sending both of them plunging to their deaths.

As their souls left their bodies and ascended into Heaven, they saw the eagles again, and one of them cried out "Ah! Eagles!"

But the eagles, being quite polite, said nothing.


:D
-e-

Chinkybonics

A list of things i learned from my mechanic, with some clues to what they mean

Drebshap
"Wah, ur car drebshap making noise..."

Aysorpar
"Your car vely vely bumpy leh kos ur aysorpar spring spoil dee"

Poyek
"That car where got wan poin six? That wan is a Proton Wahjia wan poyek"

Spagroo (my personal favourite)
"That vakoom hose cannot take out lar, they stick it with spagroo oredi!"


Could you get them all? more to come!
:D
-e-

Somebody kill me please!

I was feeling a little buzzed from the coffee i forced into my system halfway thru our meet. Lack of sleep calls for such crude remedies...

Didnt know how bad it was till i made the biggest foux pass possible in a meeting...

At 12.10 he mentions, u can go for lunch now and apologised for dragging it beyond 12.oo

In my blurness, i just blurted something about lunch being at 12.30-2.30...cos the schedule was changed yesterday...

Man, i feel really bad for nearly killing a windfall like that... Thank god he let us go anyways.

Still, the daggers in my neck from the glares around the room kinna hurt.

Manners? what are those?

People these days have no idea what etiquette and manners are about anymore

They seem to think that the only time to mind yourself is when people may know who you are...

It is NOT how you hold your cuttlery.
It is NOT how you open the door for a lady.
It is NOT talking politely to someone who doesnt deserve it.

IT IS however, a justification of how you were brought up, and how you consider yourself as a factor in affecting someone elses comfort or life.

Ever notice no-one cuts your line while lining up in the bank? or in a fast-food joint? is this manners at work? FUCK NO!

Whats happening at that McDonalds queue is that your fear of being recognized as a person with no moral upbringing is stopping you from just walking up front and asking rudely for a bloody Big-fucking-Mac and fries to go.

That same fellow suddenly becomes a self serving bastard the moment he goes behind the tint and glare of his car and will have no qualms about cutting into your lane after jumping most of the traffic holding you up.

Ask why they do what they do? "well, everyone else does it!"
Is that really justification? Does it make it right? i dont think so anyways...
Is mannerism doing whats right or doing whats convenient?

Well, someone once said, thinking is just rearranging your prefferences and prejudices...perhaps manners are also just made for convenience these days...guess i was wrong....

I know i may seem like a self-righteous prick when i say things like this, but at least im a self-righteous prick who knows his parents didnt miss out on Emphaty 101 classes while i was growing up.

I know they didnt mess up...............much :)

-just a small rant brought to you by the Ed

Tsuniama

Dont know about the rest of the world, but i keep getting this forwarded email about a tsunami warning this weekend...

The email plainly reads:
Afternoon gentlemen, Please avoid swimming this week-ends as I have been alerted that USA had detected some tremor underwater which potentially could cause a huge Tsunami that could affect Penang too. The risk is very high and is advicable not to go off-shore. Stay away from the beach. Thanks.
Those fishing hunters are encourage to plan for some other weeks .Thanks. Please convey this message to your friends and relatives before they are the victims of this disaster.

Aside from this, i was informed that a local chinese newspaper flashed a similar warning about a tsunami alert this weekend...

Doesnt tsunamis' need a trigger, and arent those triggers usually earthquakes and arent earthquakes usually rather unpredictable? Also, there have been no notices from local governments or any relevant parties warning us of such occurences.

If i had knew relatives or friends heading to the beach for the weekend to chill out and told them that there is chance of a tsunami, who would go? they would just end up wasting a really good weekend right?

Worse still...if i told my uncle who fished for a living...he would have wasted a perfectly good oportuinity to earn a living right???

This email is obviously made to tap into the recent fear of tsunamis instilled in Penangites by recent events... What annoys me more is that IF a tsunami were to hit in the near future, these idiots are gonna be jumping up thinking they were getting the truth via spam...

Come the fuck on ppl...grow up or get outta the gene pool...

For the seranis and those that just enjoy their crap

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

enjoy!
-e- :P

S.O.S.

Thats it... im done for...
All i can do for the past few weeks is stare at my blog entry screen as it patiently waits my input...

Has my life gone this boring?? fuck no...

Went up penang hill for fun...been out deep sea fishing...car body kit added...met some bizarre folks on the street...had my snakes lunch escape in my car!!...moving house...quit gaming...pains in the office!!! ALL bloggable stuff...but why is it when i hit my blogscreen...nada...nothing flows... WTF!!!! :(

I always start the bloggin fine, then my train of thought ups and leaves me...every time its the same, then i lose hope and alt+f4 outta there....ive never felt like this before...

*help*

Dat some bouncy meatstick...

Having breakfast in my cube today...Twas corn pancakes and sausages(such are our combinations), when the most amazing thing happened...

I took a bite from one of the sausages when it slipped off my fork, hit the floor, and the mutherfucker cleared a 2-foot bounce back up to my thigh...

Im like "Holy shite!"
...I mean, WTF they making these sausages from nowadays anyway?!? fucking kangaroos???

still find it pretty awesome tho... XD

Bloggin Blues

Been awhile since i posted :(

Works been a cunt...and everytime i wanna blog, some other task comes by and screws with the blogging groove...Sucks even more cos i kinna enjoy my job and cant bitch about it too much...

Well, as my fav little adage goes:
Lifes a bitch...but at least she swallows...

*sigh*

Penang double takes: Bukit Audio

"Jom round-island" started it all...then we went after gathering a few heads...

This time we came accross this little spot on the highest point of the hill from Relau to Balik Pulau, where nobody would be disturbed by the blasting "thoomp! thoomp!" of woofers and flashing "bling-bling!" lights on cars everywhere...

The scene was nothing less than that from Too Fast - Too Furious, the part before the first race where everyone shows off their audio systems and exhaust fire kits etc...except there were no break-dancing little hispanic or black men here.

Apparently a major major happening scene amongst the Penang car-audio enthusiasts and stuff...supposed to happen every Saturday night...amazing thing to find in the middle of no-where. There are even a couple of mamak stalls there where u can enjoy a nice Teh Tarik in the slightly cooler hill atmosphere (on the nights were there are no-one blasting their systems)...

There were some really really impressive setups amongst the private and shop sponsored cars up there...but the main theme just seemed to be LOUD, but there were a few that had aesthetics in mind...shoulda brought my digicam...maybe nexweek :)... About a couple o' dozen cars all showing off and trying to be louder than the next...total chaos but interesting nonetheless...

A must visit if ure a car enthusiast or not :)

The "Toy Museum"

*warning* LONG POST *warning*

but worth reading if you ever played with a toy

We were punished today for not reading the papers about what apparently was a TWO TIME MALAYSIA BOOK OF RECORD...

We learned today of a place called the "Toy Museum" that just opened up not long ago at the Copthorne Hotel in Penang. Banners waving their record breaking displays. The record wasnt the only thing broken tho...

So Boon, Rons and myself decide that its worth a try...well, actually Boon n me decided to check it out and dragged Rons along, heh heh, but moving along...

We arrived with hopes of reliving our childhood with encounters of many things familiar to us then from hands-on playing with them, envying a friend for having them or even just plain seeing it on TV and wanting them...yes, the toys...i mean, what else could you expect from something like a "Toy Museum"...

When i think TOY MUSEUM, i think of going into a place where i get to see things that at least have something talking about whats in the displays, not the boxes they were previously packaged in displayed behind them.

I want to see displays showing what they were to the people that they thrilled for ours on end in their own times
NOT on shelves just posing them facing the crowd, with absolutely no label to what they are about.
I want to see many things that i would have had in my childhood, or wanted to have...
NOT recent 'collectibles' from movies and collectors editions still not even in their teens.
I want to see things that inspired imaginations to flare. Things i would have wanted to play with...
NOT display pieces that have no moving parts and meant just to be nice to look at.
I want to see things that we used to take for granted and are now rare items held by a few lucky people...
NOT things that carry no other meaning than to be a collectible a few years down because they were continued.

DOESNT ANYONE EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT TOYS ARE ANYMORE?????

Things i would have played with in my youth...things i would give anything to play with now!...Things i could have encountered in my youth, even things that my parents could have considered their "toys"!! These are all things that would be nice to have in a place calling itself a Museum. I found nothing to muse about.

Isnt the idea behind a museum that a museum is a place where people can see and admire things they would find hard to get, rare, or amazing? I found little of that. What i did find was a collection of toys from recent movies and collectible series that can still be obtained relatively easily from a mall or ebay. In other words, I felt like it was as though i payed money to enter a big Toys'R'Us showroom and was not allowed to buy anything....

Star Wars was everywhere. There were a few "big" displays like a couple of human height Gundam robots and a life size Alien centrepiece, but i think those were supposed to accentuate the displays, not be the center of them.

There was a display of Voltron, and im like "WOW! VOLTRON!!!", and when i get there, all i see are the cheap plastic second generation voltron toys. No sight of the diecast Voltron toys that were so popular in my generation's youth. Id like to add that THAT diecast Voltron is now a TRUE collectors item, and seeing that would have at least let me feel that the 10 bucks spent at the entrance wouldnt have been a waste. What we got was a plastic replica voltron, some smaller plastic Voltron crap and a plastic Voltron V as the centerpieces of that display :( that was a crappy let down...

Im not asking for ALL my childhood memories to be brought back to me, but at least a few...
I thought, maybe my expectation were too high, so i got some of my buddies together to list what were the popular things at the times of their youth...heres the list of stuff...i cannot rememeber seeing ANY these in that "Museum" :
-TRANSFORMERS
-MASK
-GI-JOE
-THUNDER CATS
-HE-MAN
-STARCOM
-GHOSTBUSTERS
-MOSPEDA
-MACROSS
-TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
-FAMOUS COMIC FIGURINES(Marvel, DC etc etc etc)
-CENTURIONS
-and every toy any kid would love to have ripped the wrapper off on his birthday...
The list goes on and on...and these are just what we got off the guys...im sure the ladies would like to add to it...I want to be reminded about what we used to have, not sit in a coffeeshop brainstorming what should be there...

What do all those have in common? They connected us. All of us that sat at the table to discuss the list did not even know of each others existance when we were enjoying these things, yet we can bring back these things from our childhood...and could talk on and on about the toys we had from those titles...and how RARE they all are now. We played with them, crashed them together, burned some, destroyed others when we were having fun with them and now those few hundred that are moving around the hands of collectors are worth something.

Those are what true museum pieces should be...those pieces were not meant to be collectors pieces but became that because of what they were to people, to us...a link to who we used to be.

Entities on their own like Lego, Hotwheels, franchise toys that McDonalds used to provide in Happy Meals that made a set after 4 weeks of bugging our parents to get them...yo-yos, classic Super Soaker, Lucky Trolls!!! OMFG!!! The list is endless...These things could make so many people stop at every other display and think back...or even slap a buddy on the shoulder and go "hey, remember those?!? god! we used to...." or "OH MY GOD! ITS A ....!!"...Why arent these things acknowledged?? even a small display would suffice...its as though they never were...

What we get instead is hundreds upon hundreds of Star Wars figurines(almost all from episodes I, II and III, and many of the rest from recently launched reprint sets), Displays of the Matrix boxed dioramas, Lilo n Stitch dolls and other things of that like. Many displays carried the many McFarlane Toys collectible series...Tortured Souls, 6 Faces, many spawn posing display statues and other stuff nice or cool to look at, but not before, or ever playable.

These things were made to be "Collectibles" and did not earn the title by themselves or what they meant to people.

Dictionary.com describes :-
- mu·se·um(n.)-A building, place, or institution devoted to the acquisition, conservation, study, exhibition, and educational interpretation of objects having scientific, historical, or artistic value.

This place was fair in saying it had over a hundred thousand toys. It would have made a fine "Toy Showroom" or something to that extent. BUT for the Malaysia Book of Records to give it the title of FIRST TOY MUSEUM is a total and absolute disgrace...

I am not attacking the owner of these toys and saying its not impressive, but calling it a "Museum" is really really not fair to anyone who happened upon it with no idea whats inside.

The expectations offered only to be faced with tremendous let-down is something no-one has to bare, especially if it has to do with ones childhood...would any of you that had one disagree?

-a sad ed

May the farm be with you...

OMFG! lols!

http://www.storewars.org/

Definitely worth a look!

-e-

Mamakjuana

Its the question anyone who enjoys a good nasi kandar will ask when he/she is about to fall asleep against their will after a good session at these dubious cuisine corners.

I woke lastnite thinking that i would need no sleep since work today is in the wee mornin hours.

Ive done this countless times and have had no problems before.

The only diff this time is the addition of a mamak session in town. Beeeeg mistake....

ETA to work: 2 hours 30 minutes
-Makan mamak food.

ETA to work: 2 hours 00 minutes
-Sent Capes n Tats back to Nets, go home.

ETA to work: 1 hour 40 minutes
-Smoke, Shit & Shower (the essential 3S)
-Mamakjuana takes effect...drowsy.

ETA to work: 1 hour 00 minutes
-Decide to relax on couch and gather self before dressing up for work.

ETA to work: 0 hour 58 minutes
*snooOOOOOOooorrre....*

ETA to work: negative 2 hours and then some
-Realised that was a bad idea


>.<

The wacky name sheet #01

Welcome to the wacky name sheet #01.
This list will be updated should i encounter more of these interesting folks.

Surnames removed, cos a few of them were nice folks. That aside, ill admit that most of the ppl on this list were seriously major annoying and self centered. Must be a prerequisite before legally changing the name ur parents gave you to such godawful ones.

The number in brackets show if ive met more than one of that name to see how popular it is.

Acemond - Singapore(1)
Apples - Singapore(2)
Buffy - Singapore(1), Malaysia(1)
Koolio - Singapore(1)
Lancelot - Singapore(1)
Lobo - Malaysia(1)
Omega - Singapore(1), Malaysia(1)
Seasons - Singapore(3), Malaysia(1) *Popular*
Superman - Hong Kong(1)

I have a few more on paper somewhere...will add on.
FOLKS!! u got any such encounters? send them in, ill gladly update them into this list.

I shot Mr Joseph

*warning*

Rant post

*warning*

Somewhere along the line in 2002, when i joined the company where i am today, something happened. Ill call that phenomenon the Joseph Jobe Juxtapose (JJJ) where i had suddenly lost my surname and firstname because some schmuck keying in my name did not know how the format of a non-chink name works. I should slap your mother for bringing you up stupid.

After JJJ, i was "Mr Joseph" in all my emails. "Edgar" got digitally screwed.

At first i figured, well, ill try getting that fixed in the database, 3 years down and im still trying, so fuck that...red tapes too much of a bitch.

Then i thought, when u salutate using "Mr.", it usually follows with a Surname, so in the mixup, my first name was now my surname, so i thought maybe i could play on it to get people to know me as Mr. Edgar...technically not right, but more acceptable than Mr. Joseph... I then learn that asian culture has no respect for grammar. All i wanted was more ppl replying "Dear Edgar", or "Hi Edgar" or "Edgar" or even the incorrect "Dear Mr Edgar" would have bloody sufficed!!! but NooOOoooo..."Mr Joseph" kept coming back!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???!

Are you people so fucking disensitized these days? i mean, i even SIGN off my emails using my full name, or end with the standard "regards, Edgar" bullocks and still, 9 out of fucking 10 still come back as "Dear Mr Joseph"... Dont people look anywhere else except for the email address these days to see whos bloody talking?

You fucking robots.

Whos ur god-daddy??!

Marlon Brando, eat your heart out man.

God i hate the flu...

Yesterday what started out as a minor throat inflammation and annoyingly stuffy head has now given way to a full-blown "give him and his momma some cement shoes" voice and an annoying need to chew out anyone who comes even close to annoying me.

You know whats the worst part? not being able to taste ur food and ciggies :(
I mean, why dont you just fucking neuter me and be done with it right? jeez...

To top it up, works been an even bigger bitch than me today so i think im gonna go down to our dear folks in sales and torture some poor unfortunate bastard who decided to say something stupid in the emails this morning...

I mean come on, u women get to do this once a month, and what do we guys get? the right to yell when we stub our toes? papercut prissiness?? FUCK NO!
Im gonna squeeze this one dry, and goddamit, someones gonna get burned today...

RAWR!!! *sniffle*

-the e-

Art with a capital 'F'

"What is art?"

There was once a caveman and a cavewoman

Caveman: I want to mate with u

Cavewoman: Fuck off.

Is this art? not really, sellecting a mate and the urge to breed is a natural thing.

A Sabretooth jumps out of a bush. Caveman craps himself and runs...fast.

Is this art? could be...but the man is running for his survival...so, no pie.

Sabretooth then looks at Cavewoman, who craps herself and runs too. Sabretooth gives chase.

Nah, not art. Sabretooth makes the decision that the woman prolly would make an easier target.

Cavewoman freaks out and in panic runs over a 100 foot cliff. Sabretooth, in fervor, jumps after her.

Art? fuck no! its a bloody tragedy!

Seeing it all from on top a tree, Caveman jumps down and runs to the cliff where they jumped, drops his loincloth, and takes a piss over the edge.

Now THATs art :)

Bob

Me, my sisters and most of my cousins (cept' the few white sheep) keep in touch with each other via mass mailing to each other on our own mailing list which we have aptly name Cousinster.

This conversation over the weekend has been my proudest.
___________________________________________________________________

Scenario : Sister(Marie) in Aussieland got into a minor surgery for a stone, and the scars from ops became the topic of the conversation.

Cuzin Cheryl:
Marie, my appendix scar is so awful, man. I can't wear low jeans or crop tops coz the scar is high up compared to the C-sect. This time round, the Doc gave me a steroids jab before he sew me up so that the kelloid won't form so much.

Me:
Scars? wanna check out my scar after i removed that ingrown hair thingy? Its at the bottom of my back (nicer way of saying it than "its at the top of my ass-crack") but damn, the scar is huge...id swear if you saw it you'd think id had an open heart surgery from my backside!

Heehee, well, it aint THAT bad, but still, compared to some recent apendix scars ive seen, its true...sutturing has come a long way.
By the way, i also still have that thing i removed stored in a jar with formalin :D

Sista Marie:
Cheryl, he had this ball of crap and hair and fuzz and grossness ... Edgar, do u really still have it?

Me:
Of course i do...and stop calling Bob names! hes sensitive :P

Sista Marie:
You are sooooo gross!! That's gagging material .. eeeewwwwww!!!

Cuzin Jo-Jo:
Edgar, you're gross. You have been gross from small and you still are and you most probably still be when you are 80 years old surrounded by your children and grandchildren (make you have alot as you're the only one carrying the Gasper name). Throw that disgusting (BOB) thing out!!!
___________________________________________________________________

*pats self on the back*

XD

-the ed-

Monopoly is just a Game, like fishing...right...

Here i sit in Island Plaza, desperately trying to get mails downloaded for the past 3 hours and why? our god-awful monopolized broadband service is in a shitty state.

God bless our ISP, one of the few who seem to be able to flick off something as big as a dropped international link as easy as i can shoo a fly away from the canteen food on my plate.

I use my canteen food in reference because plainly, they share something in common, monopoly. Try stepping into my canteen and immediately, the apetite, together with the tought of something yummy going down to your begging stomach gets flushed down the crapper.

Why? Simple...monopoly.

Canteen operation was tendered to the highest bid and since then, there has been no one to provide any competition to the bloody losers. Canteen food quality was better then their predecessors for about a week, and then it rock bottomed. You'd have to twirl, prod and poke a piece of meat to figure what it was. There was no balance of meat/fish/veg on some days and you just had to make do on those days you get stuck in the office...and i could swear that sotong just winked at me.

Why not just boycott the damn food? well, they also provide eats for the production folks in our building...and for some reason, these folks dont bother with the food quality, and rush in like a herd of cows to a pasture that is not of their choosing. This lots grazing is more than sufficient for the canteen folks to push their products off and keep them alive.

Why close down or improve your service when there are suckers takin in the crap you shovel out right?

Enter Streamyx

When they first started out, i didnt complain as much. Their tek hotline was helpful enough(with the right escalation methods) but after about a few months, ppl left n right began complaining about it. Soon i found myself amongst those complaining. Downloads were down to about 10/20% throughput, and whats the nice hotline tekkie say? oh, its prolly your copperwire layout problem. But my buddy half way across town saw the same shite on his line...what? copperwire eating termites started running wild around penang? i mean, hey, if theres a problem, just gimme a better answer than that closed ended sentence please.

This is usually when they throw out their trump card. The ace of arseholes:

"Oh sir, but ADSL is a BEST EFFORT connection, meaning the line does not always generate your full download capacity"

I flinch from the blow, thank her for her time, left eye tweaks a bit, then i calmly hang up the phone...realizing no amount of reasoning is going to get me anywhere...shit, im not asking for a 100% download at this point...a good proper reason would suffice...but did she understand that?...*sigh*

Why isnt enough focused on the improvement of the broadband service? refer to canteen food bit above.

I usually then proceed to get a mouse, name it Telekoms, and watch Jay squeeze the living hell outta it before swallowing it whole. Jay should run our government.

How could i have the time to write such a long and boring bit today? Picture this:
Highlight todays mail> Drag to offline folders> wait...>wait...>wait...
<42>
TRANSFERRING!!!Woot!!
~5 minutes later~
<41>
Still transferring!!ok...some progress
~10 minutes pass~
<55>
Still transfering...but look!...ive discovered that the secrets of time travel lie in the download of emails!!...

I then proceed to kill the innocent ant strolling on the table and release a maniacal lough~
Starbucks folks stare...a lot...back to blogging...

Back to Ground[z]ero

Sigh*

Well, here i am to give it one more shot...see how long i do this before other stuff come up and i forget i started :(

Guess i saw the little tidbit on the Kat/Hyew resemblance when the guys pointed it out to me at the CB yesterday and saw how much fun it could be to blog again.

Folks, please send me ur bits and blogsites please...kinna dont have most of them nomore.

And heres a good thing as any to restart bloggin with...a job rant! :)

what else?

The lines below are dedicated to some nice guys in India who have got on my nerves bigtime today. Coordinating with some of you guys has been like nothing less than negotiating with a brick wall.

So to those precious few who managed to bugger me today, i give to you:

[A Tekkies Call]
I spend my day solving problems all 'round
To tek issues are what im suppposedly bound
But then India's call-centre hotline came about
"What the hell are you saying??" the Aussies would shout
Then the callers raised up their annoyance and dismay
So now when they dial they will usually come our way
"Those asians are owning!!" Said the Indians who found out
Then responded by helping like a bunch of movers with gout
Although your bosses think you're playing pretty smart
i just wanna say PISS OFF! you chapati eating twat

-the ed-